Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Food for thoughts (#154) - To Johannes and Ludwig

I guess this week is a bit like lull for me.
So I am gonna just write what has been on my mind for a while.
I guess I can write this now because I feel relaxed for the moment.

I am relaxed because I know the pre-production is seeing the end and we are moving on to the actual recording.
I know we are still sorting out budget and stuff.
We are gonna only get busier now,
but I am used to handle this kind of productive busy phase, so I am okay.

The past 20 months (or even longer ) have been a fucking tough phase for me.
Need of facing my own works at some deep and brutal level has cut my heart wide open so many times.
I saw my heart bleeding a quite few times and I ain't joking.

It was a fucking tough shit.

But it is truly rewarding.

And having passed the phase,
now I see it was much needed process for me,
as a musician, as a woman, and as a human-being.

I know it will be paid off.

But while I was digging deeper in my own inner space,
I always found comfort listening to Brahms Symphony No.4/ No.1 and Beethoven's late piano sonatas. They were with me all times.

They are very transcending and contain some kind of truth.
Their music is brutally solitary yet have something universal.
I just think uncle Jojo and uncle Ludy have been to the same metaphysical place while they kept creating their crafts.
I know they have met there.
It is the place where only people who know what the real solitude is can find.

As I keep scratching and pulling out my hair trying to give another birth to my music,
I sought and will always seek comfort in those giants' music.

I don't know the reason why I keep creating music and I don't need to know.

But I know I will want to keep walking to find the very path those predecessors once walked to find the place.

I know I will see some of you reading this there when I end this lifelong journey someday.

We are always alone, yet we are all on the same path.
I might never meet you, yet I know I am not alone in this.

To the all artists out there.

Much love and humility,

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