ちょっと休憩 recess

So I could not leave this room at all.
FInishing up new tunes.
When I am writing songs, I am like the crane from the Japanese folklore.
(The crane falls in love with a human so she becomes a woman and marries him. And she makes gorgeous textiles for this hubby out of her feather. She disappears at the end when the hubby finds out she is a crane. Sad, sad.)
I can't go see people when I am in this phase.
My hair is messy as a cotton candy. What kind of horrible clothes is this I am wearing all day long?
Anyway I am talking to myself al day long when I am working at home.

I felt the same way when I casually decided to write a novel for my graduation project for my high school  a long long time ago. It was exhausting my energy like songwriting is and back then I thought I will never gonna write again.
But here I am, writing songs this time instead of stories. But they are really the same thing.
Only difference  between them is I get to share the outcome directly with my audience at the same space, which is a live performance.  It is so rewarding and simply so much fun. And addictive too.
That is why I keep doing it again and again, I guess.

I feel like there are always millions of tasks in front of me these days.
But what I have learned through these few months is to worry is simply waste of your energy.
I gotta just keep moving on, one thing at time, and eventually I will get somewhere even if it seems to progress very slowly.

But my brain is a bit over heated now through overworking this tiny brain.
Maybe I will make my lunch for tomorrow now.
We have to use our body to balance body and mind, right?
3 more days then I will hit Massachusetts. Ha!

結局用事のあったほうぼうへ不義理をして今日は作業に終始。
曲を作ってるときは、鶴の恩返しの機織りの鶴みたい。
こういう時はとてもじゃないけど人様に会いにゆけないのね。
あたまはひどいぼさぼさだし、寝間着なんだかよくわからない格好で一日ぶつぶつ言いながら作業してる。
その昔、高校の卒業プロジェクトで小説を書くのを選んでしまって、ああ小説書くなんて何て辛いんだろう、だめだやってらんねえ、と思ったことをしみじみ思い出します。
だってやってることはたいして変わらないのよね。ただ発表のご褒美が歌う事の方が直接目の前でふれあいながらあるからこっちのほうがうんと楽しい。
人前でにこにこ歌うのは一瞬だけど、その瞬間があんまりにも楽しいから続けられるんだなあ。

最近はもうずっとやることはいつでも山積みだけど、この数ヶ月で学んだことがあるとすれば、心配って本当にエネルギーの無駄遣いってこと。
怒りと同じで体の活力の目減りがうんと早くなる。
だったら落ち着いてこつこつやれることをやるほうがいいや。必ずどこかへは進む訳だし。

しかし、ない頭を使いすぎてがちょっとオーバーヒート気味。
明日のお弁当でも作ろうかな！
体も使ってあげないとね。
水曜まで頑張ればマサチューセッツが待ってる。んふふ。